Diagnosis – Bloganuary 2023

From my misc-pics-box here is a photo from the charming town of Strasbourg in France during our visit in October 2021.

Welcome to Bloganuary, a WordPress Challenge I am participating in this month, that provides a daily writing prompt throughout January.

Day 12 prompt is: What chore do you find the most challenging to do?

At our home, my husband and I share the various daily, weekly, monthly and asynchronous chores like cooking, washing utensils, doing the laundry, taking out the trash, watering the plants, vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms, changing the sheets, organizing, paying the bills, grocery shopping, etc. etc. We don’t micro-plan to decide who does what when. But I do most of the cooking and he does most of the cleaning. He always takes the trash out. I always water the plants. I love paying the bills. I hate cleaning the bathroom, so he does it almost every time.

The chore(s) I find most challenging are focused around cleaning. I don’t know if there is a word for it, but I am the opposite of a clean freak. I do think that it’s a problem, not only for me personally but also for my household. My husband is definitely a much more organized person who keeps his surroundings clean. I, on the other hand, am not bothered by the absence of cleanliness.

A few months ago, I was working out and listening to one of my favourite podcasts Huberman Lab on the topic of ADHD (Attention-Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder). When he described the symptoms of ADHD, I realized, OMG, I tick all the boxes. But then I thought to myself, don’t all of us tick all of these boxes? I don’t know if that’s true but that’s what I assumed. One thing he said that stuck with me was, that people with ADHD are not necessarily lazy or do not compulsorily lack concentration or attention in a generic sense. Dr. Huberman explained that people with ADHD can be very focused on one task, something they are passionate about. But they may not even notice their lack of attention to other tasks that could be more demanding or important. And that was the trigger point. After listening to that episode, I self diagnosed myself with ADHD. When I told my husband he laughed because this was not really the first time I had self-diagnosed myself of something after hearing a podcast or watching a video. Ok jokes apart, my husband is very understanding and supportive and he also encourages me to take professional help, if needed. But I just happen to find more urgent and less important fires to fight, as opposed to this one.

We have a running joke around the house. Some days, my husband would deliberately leave something cluttered, and then 2 days later he would tell me that it was a task he set up for me to see if I see it, and that I failed the test. After listening to this podcast though, I truly realized that my brain doesn’t really see some things that it doesn’t want to. In fact, I may even see the clutter, but it doesn’t really cross my threshold or isn’t enough for me to bother to trouble myself to take action.

I know it’s messed up. I thought everyone was like this, but being around my family and friends makes me realize that that is not true. Additionally, I understand that self-diagnosis can be dangerous and if indeed I have this or any other problem, only a certified professional can tell me what it is or help me tackle it. I also know that waving around such claims can be disrespectful to people who may definitely have this condition. Furthermore, I have no intentions to use this as a shield of excuse for my inaction. I would continue doing chores I like more, and if needed also the ones I hate. In this sense, I don’t think I am broken, but may be a bit bruised.

This was something difficult to confess and I feel a bit relieved getting this out there. But I do hope to speak to someone about it someday.